Monday, May 21, 2012

Currently having a love affair

With this guy:
Billy and I go way back... to a time
when Tae Bo was actually cool.
What did you expect? Something really juicy like I've been having a torrid affair with my ultra hot mailman? Sorry to disappoint you, but my mailman really isn't that hot. In fact, she isn't even a man.

Awkwaaard. 

Anyway... I've always loved Tae Bo! I know it's sooo not the hip thing anymore, but I don't care. I think it's a great workout. There was a time when I was in much better shape and could do an entire workout from start to finish without even having to stop for a breather. While that's certainly not the case anymore (I think I spend more time curled up in fetal position trying to prevent my lungs from jumping out of my throat than I actually spend working out) I still like to throw some Tae Bo into my workout routine every now and then. That is, when I'm actually making an effort to work out. I'd been slacking for quite sometime, but while I was in the hospital this last time I may have promised a couple people that I'd start working out regularly again. Apparently exercise is supposed to be good for you or something. 

So Billy Blanks and I have rekindled that old flame and we've been seeing each other a couple times a week, in between some other workouts I've been doing. (Note to self: you should probably stop making promises you don't intend to keep. I mean, promising that you'll work out four times a week? REALLY?!? Even Billy isn't worth that kind of physical exertion.) 

But don't worry, Adam knows about everything going on between Billy and I, and he's fine with it. It's taken a little while, but he's finally gotten used to these little affairs of mine. In fact, they happen so frequently that he hardly seems to notice them anymore. 

I'm also currently having a love affair with this video:  


This TV show: 


And these shoes: 

So, sorry, but there's no really point to this post except to say that my seriously out of shape body (especially my butt and legs) has been killing me for two weeks straight, and my husband is basically a saint for putting up with all the whining I've been doing about it. 

But the shoes, they're totally cute, right? 

Monday, May 14, 2012

A belated Mother's Day post

I've been thinking for a while about what I wanted to write for Mother's Day. I thought about all the special mothers in my life: my grandma, my aunts, my step mom, my sister, my sisters-in-law, my friends. I'm blessed to be surrounded by women who have set the bar high and are consistently showing me how I can step it up as a mother. I'm grateful for all of them and what they've taught me, but this year my mind keeps returning to one thing in particular - the summer that I turned 17.

My mom and I shared a close relationship throughout my entire childhood and even as I became a teenager, my mom was someone I loved and trusted completely and whose company I truly enjoyed. After my brothers and sister moved out, there was a period of time when it was just my mom and I living in the house. I felt like that time we spent just the two of us really solidified our relationship, not only as mother and daughter, but as a team.

But then I met a boy, I started hanging out with a new group of friends and things began to change. I thought I had irreparably damaged our relationship when one afternoon I had to tell her that I'd been lying. I'd done something very serious (and seriously stupid) and had found myself in a position that even she couldn't help me out of. I will never forget the look in her eyes that day. I was certain she could never love me the way she used to, not after what I had done.

But here's the thing about mothers: no matter what you do, they still love you. That summer isn't the only time I've deeply hurt my mom. I saw that same heartsick look in her eyes when I stopped attending the LDS church and again when she confronted me with the knowledge that I was living with my boyfriend. But each time I thought that maybe I'd gone too far, that this was the time she'd had enough, instead I found her reaching out to me with open arms and the kind of love that only a mother can posses.

Instead of disowning me for leaving the church, she tenderly shared her testimony with me. Instead of threatening to cut me off unless I moved out of my boyfriend's apartment, she invited him to Easter dinner at her house. And those experiences, perhaps more than anything else, have taught me what being a mother is all about - loving without reservation or condition, even if it means loving while your heart is breaking.

Over the years, we've only gotten closer and having kids of my own, well, nothing has strengthened our relationship more than that. My mom is my confidant, my sounding board, one of my best friends and my biggest supporter. Well, except for maybe that rebel boyfriend I once lived with... who has now been my husband for almost five years. He's pretty supportive, too.

My mom is one of only a few people who truly understands me, and even though we still have our differences, she really loves me... not just a little bit - a ridiculous, unimaginable, and sometimes undeserved amount. There's nothing I can do to make her stop loving me! I know that now, and it is my sincere hope that one day I'll be able to provide my own baby girls with that same knowledge and security.

Mom, I'm sorry that some of my choices over the years have caused you so much pain. I could never thank you enough for being there for me through it all and showing me time and time again just how fierce a mother's love is. 

P.S. I love you most. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Another kind of family

One thing I've never been able to complain about is the view from my hospital room. The rooms we (the CF patients) stay in probably have the best view in the entire hospital. Morgan and Adam love to watch the helicopters come and go, and I simply can't get enough of those sunsets. Aaah, the sunsets. 








I got home from the hospital yesterday. Overall it was a pretty uneventful stay, which is the way I prefer things. I've had enough eventful stays to know that it never pays to be "interesting" in a hospital setting.

After I packed my things up and began saying goodbye to everyone, I actually got a little teary-eyed. Of course I was incredibly excited to get home, but at the same time I couldn't help but think of how much I was going to miss everyone there.

The nurses and aides, the respiratory therapists, the other patients... these people have honestly become some of my dearest friends. It's unfortunate that this is the area of my life where I have met such wonderful people, but it's also nice to know that the next time I have to leave my family to get feeling better, I'll be received by another kind of family at the hospital. A girl couldn't ask for much more.

To my amazing hospital family, I could never thank you enough.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

This Mama's heart

... is healed just a little each time I randomly receive pictures like these throughout the day.








*Edit: My friend Holly pointed out that I didn't give her any credit for these cute pictures,
but she is in fact the one who took all of them. And those are her very adorable little
boys in the last picture. I'm also going to take this moment to tell you how
incredible Holly has been to help out with Morgan through this and several other
hospitalizations. I wish I could get each and every one of you a Holly of your
very own because, really, everyone needs someone like her in their life.

But you can't have my Holly so don't even think about it.